justDan around » funny shit right there http://insidejustdan.com "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream!" E.A.P. Sun, 18 Jul 2010 19:23:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 Propunere amendament http://insidejustdan.com/2010/07/propunere-amendament/ http://insidejustdan.com/2010/07/propunere-amendament/#comments Wed, 14 Jul 2010 18:10:00 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=778 Asemanatoare:
  1. maldavskii bank
  2. SEX
  3. Bancuri:))
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Stiti cu totii proiectul acesta de lege, nu?

Din cauza numarului foarte mare de pensionari, guvernul a hotarat sa
vina in intampinarea acestora. Pentru a-i ajuta a promulgat o lege care
preciza:
…
Pct. 1:
- Incepand cu 1 septembrie 2009 toti pensionarii au voie sa
traverseze strada pe culoarea rosie a semaforului.

Pct. 2:
- Daca pana la 1 ianuarie 2011 nu se observa nici o modificare hotararea
de la
punctul 1 devine obligatorie.

Ei bine, eu mi-am dat seama de ce nu functioneaza, ca atare propun un amendament care sa ofere despagubiri soferilor care isi strica masinile, eventual de la rudele celui accidentat. Ce ziceti, semnam o petitie?? Cred ca ar functiona de minune. :))

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]]> http://insidejustdan.com/2010/07/propunere-amendament/feed/ 0 Learn how to make yourself beautif”oo”ul http://insidejustdan.com/2010/07/learn-how-to-make-yourself-beautifooul/ http://insidejustdan.com/2010/07/learn-how-to-make-yourself-beautifooul/#comments Wed, 14 Jul 2010 17:23:14 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=775 Asemanatoare:
  1. Poezie pentru batranete
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Atentie, nu este valabil si la baieti:))

Data viitoare, aveti grija ce agatati!:))

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  1. Poezie pentru batranete
]]> http://insidejustdan.com/2010/07/learn-how-to-make-yourself-beautifooul/feed/ 0 Avatar – Another ending http://insidejustdan.com/2010/02/avatar-another-ending/ http://insidejustdan.com/2010/02/avatar-another-ending/#comments Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:35:10 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=741 Asemanatoare:
  1. Bancuri:))
  2. Poezie pentru batranete
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Ca tot am fost ieri pentru a doua oara la Avatar, mi-am adus aminte de fractured-ending-ul asta:P

It did has some glitches, dar un film extraordinar totusi:)

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  2. Poezie pentru batranete
]]> http://insidejustdan.com/2010/02/avatar-another-ending/feed/ 0 Banc Craciunesc…:P http://insidejustdan.com/2009/12/banc-craciunesc-p/ http://insidejustdan.com/2009/12/banc-craciunesc-p/#comments Thu, 24 Dec 2009 02:23:39 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=728 Asemanatoare:
  1. Banc cu talc:))
  2. un banc, o melodie si am plecat
  3. cand te plictisesti de asteptat:P
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Hello hello, intrucat in 5 ore am sa plec pentru perioada Craciunului, si nu o sa am net, m-am gandit sa va las sa va delectati cu un banc in spiritul sarbatorilor:D :

Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying “Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.”

Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. “OH Santa, won’t you please stay?” she queried . Taking a long look, Santa sighed and said “Ho- ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.”

Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said invitingly “Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?”

With a pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said “Ho – ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.” And with that, he turned and left. Several minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful woman.

“Santa—you decided to stay??” she asked.

Santa grinned, looking at his crotch and said “Hey – hey, gotta stay. Can’t get up the chimney THIS way!”

Pana una alta, Sarbatori Fericite tuturor >:D < !

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  1. Banc cu talc:))
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]]> http://insidejustdan.com/2009/12/banc-craciunesc-p/feed/ 0 Un fel de Eterna si fascinanta Romanie http://insidejustdan.com/2009/12/un-fel-de-eterna-si-fascinanta-romanie/ http://insidejustdan.com/2009/12/un-fel-de-eterna-si-fascinanta-romanie/#comments Mon, 07 Dec 2009 22:27:08 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=722 Asemanatoare:
  1. George Carlin – Life is Worth Losing
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A celor de la Cassa locco, o piesa mai veche, dar la fel de buna:))
Deci, ne trezim?

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  1. George Carlin – Life is Worth Losing
]]> http://insidejustdan.com/2009/12/un-fel-de-eterna-si-fascinanta-romanie/feed/ 0 George Carlin – Life is Worth Losing http://insidejustdan.com/2009/12/george-carlin-life-is-worth-losing/ http://insidejustdan.com/2009/12/george-carlin-life-is-worth-losing/#comments Mon, 07 Dec 2009 21:17:10 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=719 Asemanatoare:
  1. Genre
  2. Un fel de Eterna si fascinanta Romanie
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Yes i am:)

Try and beat that;)

and yet, is it?……

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]]> http://insidejustdan.com/2009/12/george-carlin-life-is-worth-losing/feed/ 0 At my new job… http://insidejustdan.com/2009/11/at-my-new-job/ http://insidejustdan.com/2009/11/at-my-new-job/#comments Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:38:02 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=686 Asemanatoare:
  1. After Christmas letter
  2. Every man’s dream=))
  3. And some SEX definitions…
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My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wannabe chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work.
He probably hasn’t been sober any time in the last ten years, and he’s only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work.
Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald’s and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and schitt.

Get it?=)) here’s a clue:

image via

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]]> http://insidejustdan.com/2009/11/at-my-new-job/feed/ 0 Jack Schitt http://insidejustdan.com/2009/11/jack-schitt/ http://insidejustdan.com/2009/11/jack-schitt/#comments Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:53:33 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=683 Asemanatoare:
  1. SEX
  2. At my new job…
  3. Piratul Jack cel teribil-Insula pufoasa si roz
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For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.

They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced
the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can
correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

N.B. Please pay attention to the word game:P

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]]> http://insidejustdan.com/2009/11/jack-schitt/feed/ 3 A GIRL’S FIRST TIME http://insidejustdan.com/2009/10/a-girls-first-time/ http://insidejustdan.com/2009/10/a-girls-first-time/#comments Sun, 25 Oct 2009 20:53:44 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=676 Asemanatoare:
  1. Ooh Girl…
  2. Be ok
  3. Jack Schitt
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A GIRL’S FIRST TIME

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

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]]> http://insidejustdan.com/2009/10/a-girls-first-time/feed/ 2 And some SEX definitions… http://insidejustdan.com/2009/10/and-some-sex-definitions/ http://insidejustdan.com/2009/10/and-some-sex-definitions/#comments Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:36:12 +0000 justDan http://insidejustdan.com/?p=673 Asemanatoare:
  1. At my new job…
  2. SEX
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SEX DEFINITIONS:

Sex in a boat = Oargasms
Sex with a nerd = Dorkgasms
Sex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms
Sex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms
Sex at the supermarket = Storegasms
Sex with wild pigs = Boargasms
Sex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms
Sex with a prostitue = Whoregasms
Sex with a storyteller = Loregasms
Sex with an accountant = Boregasms
Sex while sleeping = Snoregasms
Sex with Arthur = Dudley Mooregasms
Sex with cartoon donkeys = Eeyoregasms
Sex while broke = Poorgasms
Sex with a lion = Roargasms
Sex for hours and hours on end = Soregasms
Sex on a golf course = Foregasms
Sex with a nymphomaniac = Ready for Moregasms
Sex in a gold mine = Oregasms
Sex with a dermatologist = Poregasms
Sex with the vice president = Al Goregasms
Sex with chocolate marshmallows = S’moregasms
Sex with a bullfighter = Toreadorgasms
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword = Zorogasms
Sex on the beach = Shoregasms
Sex when you get an award = Honogasms
Sex at an all you can eat buffet = Smorgasbordgasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Sex in Asia = Singaporegasms
Sex among the wonders of the world = Outdoorgasms
Sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Sex on the way to the train = All aboardgasms
Sex that isn’t very satisfying = there’s the doorgasms
Sex during hay fever season = Sporegasms
Sex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Sex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Sex in an adult theater = Hardcoregasms
Sex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Sex with someone not paying attention = Ignorgasms
Sex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
Sex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Sex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the host of a horrible t.v. show = Pauly Shoregasms
Sex with a cookie = Oreogasms
Sex while flying = Soargasms
Sex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Sex with an astronaut who didn’t make it into space = Abortgasms
Sex with a beloved partner = Adoregasms
Sex with a meat eater = Carnivoregasms
Sex with a person who’s got a really bad hairdo = Pompadoregasms
Sex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = Velourgasms
Sex while sightseeing = Tourgasms
Sex with a big dog = Labradorgasms
Sex with Beavs and Butthead = Gonnascoregasms
Sex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Sex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Sex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Sex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Sex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Sex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Sex on the stairs at the mall = Escalatorgasms
Sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Sex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Sex with Frankenstein’s assistant = Igorgasms
Sex with three of your friends = Fourgasms
Sex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Sex when resistance is futile = Borggasms
Sex without a climax = Nogasms

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