Stiti cu totii proiectul acesta de lege, nu?

Din cauza numarului foarte mare de pensionari, guvernul a hotarat sa
vina in intampinarea acestora. Pentru a-i ajuta a promulgat o lege care
preciza:
…
Pct. 1:
- Incepand cu 1 septembrie 2009 toti pensionarii au voie sa
traverseze strada pe culoarea rosie a semaforului.

Pct. 2:
- Daca pana la 1 ianuarie 2011 nu se observa nici o modificare hotararea
de la
punctul 1 devine obligatorie.

Ei bine, eu mi-am dat seama de ce nu functioneaza, ca atare propun un amendament care sa ofere despagubiri soferilor care isi strica masinile, eventual de la rudele celui accidentat. Ce ziceti, semnam o petitie?? Cred ca ar functiona de minune.

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1. maldavskii bank
2. SEX
3. Bancuri:))

Atentie, nu este valabil si la baieti

Data viitoare, aveti grija ce agatati!

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1. Poezie pentru batranete

Ca tot am fost ieri pentru a doua oara la Avatar, mi-am adus aminte de fractured-ending-ul asta

It did has some glitches, dar un film extraordinar totusi

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1. Bancuri:))
2. Poezie pentru batranete

Hello hello, intrucat in 5 ore am sa plec pentru perioada Craciunului, si nu o sa am net, m-am gandit sa va las sa va delectati cu un banc in spiritul sarbatorilor :

Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying “Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.”

Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. “OH Santa, won’t you please stay?” she queried . Taking a long look, Santa sighed and said “Ho- ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.”

Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said invitingly “Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?”

With a pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said “Ho – ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.” And with that, he turned and left. Several minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful woman.

“Santa—you decided to stay??” she asked.

Santa grinned, looking at his crotch and said “Hey – hey, gotta stay. Can’t get up the chimney THIS way!”

Pana una alta, Sarbatori Fericite tuturor >< !

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1. Banc cu talc:))
2. un banc, o melodie si am plecat
3. cand te plictisesti de asteptat:P

A celor de la Cassa locco, o piesa mai veche, dar la fel de buna
Deci, ne trezim?

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1. George Carlin – Life is Worth Losing

Yes i am

Try and beat that

and yet, is it?……

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2. Un fel de Eterna si fascinanta Romanie

I’m such a sucker for this song lately…..niiiice

Nickelback – Something in your mouth

Versiunea live

Nickelback – Something in your mouth
lyrics

got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body
they say its over budget but you’d pay her just to touch it come on
needs to hit the big screen and shoot a little love scene
if hollywood had called her she’d be gone before ya had her come on

pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong
every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long
doesn’t care about the money she could be with anybody
ain’t it funny how the honey wanted you all along

(you naughty thing)
your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
you shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
i love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
and tease them all by sucking on your thumb
your so much cooler when you never pull it out
cuz you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

crafty little lip tricks
tattoos on her left hip
she bending as your spending
theres no ending it so baby come on
dressed up like a princess
bettin’ that her skin smells better
than the scent of every flower in the desert come on

pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong
every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long.
doesn’t care about the money she could be with anybody
ain’t it funny how the honey wanted you all along

(you naughty thing)
your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
you shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
i love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
and tease them all by sucking on your thumb
your so much cooler when you never pull it out
cuz you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

she loves the night scene bar queen
living for the fun taking over every dance floor like shes the only one
in the spotlight all night dissing everyone
trying to look so innocent while sucking on her thumb

your so much cooler
when you never pull it out
so much cuter
with something in your mouth

(you naughty thing)
your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
you shake your ass around for everyone
i love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
and tease them all by sucking on your thumb

(you naughty thing)
your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
you shake that ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
i love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
and tease them all by sucking on your thumb
your so much cooler when you never pull it out
cuz you look so much cuter with something in your…

Versiunea with lyrics

Si o super parodie

Something in your mouth – by Peter Coffin

Special on the marquee where workers got no degrees
they say that you should budget but youd pay them for McNuggets – come on

need to hit the costco and grab a some bulk hoho’s
if it weren’t good for you they would not be selling it right? – come on

Snickers Skittle Chunky Butterfinger Ding Dongs
got a sugar over load going all night long
Quarter-Pounder Big-N-Tasty Tender Whopper and a coffee
spill the coffee and the coffee make you richer than trump

———chorus—————
(those fatty things)
your ripping off the wrapper from candy
(your fatty buns)
your weight surpassed a car that weighs two tons
(you don’t like moving)
you love the fries from france but not palates
(like to eat things)
ham and cheese enthrals heart attack you’ll succumb

you start the droolin’ oven opens pull food out
’cause you feel so much better with something in your mouth
——————————

crafty nutrition facts
pursue more bags of chips
weight ascending as your spending
theres no ending it so baby come on

eat up then you digest
eating deep fried skin feels better
and the tent you’re wearing is from too much dessert come on

snickers skittle chunky butterfinger ding dongs
got a sugar over load going all night long.
quarter pounder big n tasty tender whopper and a coffee
spill the coffee and the coffee made you richer than trump

———chorus—————

you love to bite mean cuisine
but why is it you shun
taking only fatty fat food
never eating only one
just the quick sight of light
food labels make you run
well not literally more like walk into another room

you start the droolin’
oven opens pull food out
feel way better
with something in your mouth

———chorus—————

“I beat anorexia” damn right

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My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wannabe chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work.
He probably hasn’t been sober any time in the last ten years, and he’s only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work.
Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald’s and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and schitt.

Get it? here’s a clue:

image via

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1. After Christmas letter
2. Every man’s dream=))
3. And some SEX definitions…

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.

They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced
the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can
correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

N.B. Please pay attention to the word game

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3. Piratul Jack cel teribil-Insula pufoasa si roz

A GIRL’S FIRST TIME

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

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